Ways to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

Whether you’re in a relationship already or admiring someone from afar, sorting out your feelings for someone can be a real challenge. While there’s no clear, foolproof way to make the distinction for someone else, you can at least make the distinction clearer for yourself. Follow these steps to know the difference between love, infatuation, and lust, and remember to be honest with yourself.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Recognizing True Love

1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. You care for this person even knowing their faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn’t flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.[1] There is no way to make a person love you, although actions do speak louder than words. If you are the one always giving and getting very little in return, you might consider asking a trusted friend or family member, one with your best interests at heart, what they see. Most of the time those on the outside are more likely to see things that you don’t because love is blind.[2]

Evaluate how secure you feel. You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.[3]

3
Think about how long you’ve been in the relationship. You have known the person for a long time, and you can’t imagine life without them. You want to know everything about the person and want to spend time getting to know them on a deeper level.[4]

4
Analyze the way that you’re thinking about the other person. Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can’t wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you’ve had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love. You have mutual respect for each other.[5]

5
Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you are able to find some common ground.[6] No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it’s painful. Even if you don’t agree with your partner you will always take their side and defend them in front of your family and friends.

6
Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You feel comfortable with your partner, and you feel a strong bond of trust. They should feel like your partner, in that marriage or moving in together feels natural because life is better with them. Your family and friends should know all about the person, and you have the reflex to stand up and protect the person from any nay-sayers. [7]
When you actually love someone there is usually a steady building of positive feelings toward that person over time.[8]

Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Knowing if You’re Infatuated

1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. When you experience infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You’re thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.[9]

2
Evaluate how secure you feel. Instead of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person. Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous because you don’t know how the other person feels.[10]

3
Think about how long you’ve been in the relationship. Your relationship is pretty new, and while you’re constantly thinking about the other person, you’re not confident that they have what it takes to go the distance.[11]

4
Analyze the way that you’re thinking about the other person. You think constantly about the way that the person smiles, the way they say your name or the way that your partner looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trivial qualities.[12]

5
Look at how you handle conflict. The person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over. You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have been wrong all along.[13]

6
Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You want to ask the person to date exclusively, but you’re nervous about what they might say. You’re afraid that asking for commitment may frighten the person away. Your feelings aren’t deep enough for love; you’re probably more in the realm of infatuation.
With infatuation your feelings can also change very quickly. In one moment you can feel madly in love with someone and then the second they don’t give you what you want, call you back in time or return a text, you can turn to hating them very quickly.[14]

Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Realizing When You’re Feeling Hot, Bothered and in Lust

1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. If you’re looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you’re treating the person like a thing, and you’re probably experiencing lust.[15]

2
Evaluate how secure you feel. Security isn’t important to you; you’re more interested in the score and in how great it feels to be physical together. After you get what you want, you can take or leave the other person.

3
Analyze the way that you’re thinking about the other person. You’re trying to figure out what you have to do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap.

4
Look at how you handle conflict. Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of bickering, fighting and drama. The sex is great, but it’s not worth the baggage, unless it’s make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.[16]

Shalom